A Time to Dance

"And a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:4

It has been four months since I have blogged. FOUR. I owe an apology to any who might have read my blog in the past. Looking back, I blogged the most when I was experiencing a valley, and writing served in 2010 as an outlet for me. Yet, I fell off the blogging radar in 2011. To simply and selfishly put it, it was my time to dance and rarely found/sought out the time to blog. Therefore, I apologize to those of you who had to read all of my valley posts and never got the description of the view from the mountain. That is my new M.O.- give you my tales from the mountain. However, before I get to that- I also feel convicted because I have not been as grateful for my time to dance as I should have been. I heard a verse from Job once that said "Should we accept good from God and not trouble?" I used to think this was showing our impatience for hardships. However, it applies to my life in other ways. In my times of hardship, I grew even closer to God. As I wrote once, it was a season of my life where I became less and He became more. Yet, when my time to dance arrived, I went tearing across the dance floor without thanking the One who turned on the music. I was the naive child who was enthralled by the song and was oblivious to the loving parent watching from the side of the room. Therefore, thank you God for the "time to dance" and for being the gracious, forgiving Father who smiles from the corner.

Back to 2011- I literally could probably write about the past year all day long. It truly was such a wonderful year where I was blessed with so many amazing people, experiences, opportunities, and life lessons. Yet, in light of the fact that I missed a Thanksgiving post and in celebration of the new year, here are twelve aspects of 2011 I am thankful for.

1. My parents. Throughout the past year, they have taken the role of a Servant Heart to an all-new level and have never ceased to inspire me on a daily basis. They are two of the most selfless and God-trusting people I know. I did not deserve them, but I am so glad I have their guiding footsteps in my life.

2. My sister who I have literally watched venture out into the "real world" the past year. From getting her Doctorate after six years of school in May to her "big-girl" job and her new apartment, I am so proud of her and the fact that she keeps raising the totem pole a little higher every day for me to climb ;)

3. My Aunt- Laura Story said it best in her song Blessings when she said "What if your blessings come from raindrops?" Although it was not under the most ideal circumstances, I am so grateful that my aunt now lives with us which has given me more time to spend with her and soak in her unique pieces of wisdom:)

4. An emergency-room free year! Can I get an amen? Besides a small passing out spell in the middle of the DG hallway, Kate finding me in my towel, and Maidee setting off the fire alarm as she ran up the fire escape to get to my room, the year ran smoothly and no roller skates to be found.

5. Speaking of DG, 2011 started my junior year which also meant living in the DG house. I have absolutely loved it so far and am dreading the sad day in May when I have to move out.
6. My childhood friends- although I have written about them in my blog several times, I could never run out of words to say. They have and always will hold a special place in my heart.
7. My college friends- From people I met my first day at Ole Miss to ones I met this semester, I have been blessed with such wonderful friends in Oxford who make this season of my life all the more beautiful and worthwhile.

8. A new friend in March- From a rather comical meeting, I gained a new best friend last spring and every day since has been quite entertaining. :) Simply put, I am so thankful for meeting someone who can put me in my place and make me laugh simultaneously. (This is not an easy task folks)

9. Trips- From Spring Break in March to four beach get-aways this summer to New Orleans in July to three trips to Houston in the fall and day-trips to Memphis, I have had my fair share of wheel-time so to speak and am so grateful for these adventures because they hold some of my greatest memories from the past year.

10. Mr. Doler- He will have his own post soon, but I am thankful for my last year with my sweet friend. I love you and miss your smile already.

11. The fact that everything happens for a reason. This has been my mantra for over a year now as I have blogged about it before, and this allowed for my time to dance.

12. A God who never ceases to amaze me, who loves me despite all of my flaws, who always listens to my never-ending rambles, and who blessed me with the past 11 wonderful blessings and my time to dance in 2011.

Undone Puzzles and Stop Signs

Lucy moment for you before I begin my serious train. Yet, this Lucy moment has no relation to the rest of the post, but it's oh so good not to share. For those of you who don't know, I work at my school's radio (I tried out on a complete whim this semester and to my complete shock I made it). Whoever thought giving Shelby two hours a week on a live radio station to say whatever I wanted without supervision was not the wisest person on the block :). Obviously, I have entirely too much fun with it. So tonight, I was working and was reading that it was Matthew McConaughey's (one of God's most beautiful gifts to Earth) birthday, and I was going to share this with my listeners. It was talking about Matthew McConaughey's accomplishments along with his 1993 arrest for "playing the bongos nude and in the possession of cannabis." My first thought was "How stupid are the people who write these news clips? They obviously meant to say cannibals." Of course this made sense to me- bongos, nude people, and cannibals. It sounded like he was in an exotic rain forest country or something. So I confidently got on air and told a 40-mile radius that Matthew McConaughey was arrested for nudity while playing the bongos and in the possession of cannibals. Cannibals. I was proud of my interesting news clip and turned around to see my boss and another grad student (both are boys) staring at me with mischievous yet confused looks on their faces. I asked what was wrong, and they, in return, asked if the sheet said cannabis? I said yes but that clearly was a mistake and meant to say cannibals. They then proceeded to tell me that cannabis was another word for weed. So instead of having weed, I told the radio world that Matthew was with cannibals. Aren't I just the yellow in the crayon box? I fully blame my mother and my school district for not properly educating me on drugs. I mean Shelby does mean "sheltered village" for a reason. (No lie- that's the meaning of my name). I feel like a lot of you are probably laughing right now- and at my expense- I guess I can swallow that horsepill.

So, that Lucy moment took a lot more space than I thought so my serious train might just have to be a caboose instead of the Polar Express (Christmas reference woo hoo!). Back to the picture. I feel like this has been my life lately. I am constantly on the go, constantly trying to run my own life, constantly asking questions like WHY and HOW, constantly trying to stop things from happening, constantly analyzing every teensy-weensy situation, constantly praying for change and for things to go my way, CONSTANTLY TRYING TO PUT THE PUZZLE TOGETHER WHEN ALL I CAN SEE IS ONE PIECE. And God throughout all of it, is screaming

STOP! The light is RED. You have to STOP.

Stop trying to run your own life because I am waiting to guide you. Stop asking questions because I am going to explain it all one day. Stop trying to prevent things from happening because I have a plan and a good plan at that. Definitely stop analyzing because you will never figure it all out. STOP TRYING TO PUT THE PUZZLE TOGETHER WHEN ALL YOU CAN SEE IS ONE PIECE BECAUSE I AM THE ONE WHO LAID IT ALL OUT AND CAN SEE THE ENTIRE THING. I know you don't understand your current piece, but the whole picture would not be complete without it. I gave you all the right pieces. I don't make mistakes.

This is my life right now. Do I have it all together? Heck no. Have I been pedal-to-the-metal trying to run my own life. Sure have. Yet, lately, I have witnessed the extremely challenging yet ultimately beautiful message of God saying,

"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalms 46:10

So, as hard as it might be, I am leaving the puzzle undone, and I am learning how to stop.

The In-Between of Two Halloweens.

This is my fall picture for the one or two devoted readers I have out there in Blog World. Yet, if I am completely honest, this picture is for me. Sorry, but hey, honesty is the best policy right? You know the scene in Mary Poppins where they can jump into the chalk drawings and make it a reality? Well, I wish I could jump into this picture, climb the fence, sit on the rail, feel the breeze against my face, and just think. It seems picturesque (pun intended).
So, here we are at another Halloween. I personally love Halloween and always have. Yet, once again, if I am completely honest, the past two Halloweens have been more of an emotional roller-coaster for me. I posted a few weeks ago about everything happening for a reason and there being a time and season for everything. Well the In-Between of Two Halloweens has made me realize this even more.
Last Halloween, I was at home for the weekend and thought I would get to spend my night passing out candy to all of the adorable trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood, and I was SO excited about this. (I am a grandmother trapped in a 19-year-old body I know, I know.) Yet, soon after the first few trick-or-treaters, my dad got a call from the hospital about my grandmother, and the doctors told them they needed to come as soon as possible. I tried not to worry, but is this ever a comforting call? So, I kept passing out candy and smiling as my mom and dad left, but not much time had passed before they were calling my sister and me and telling us we needed to come too. I was a nervous wreck the entire way to the hospital and was not ready for what I would come face-to-face with when I got there. I can still picture waiting outside the room and my heart in complete turmoil. I can still picture walking into the room, and tears instantly filling my eyes. My goofy grandmother, who played soccer with me in the halls as a kid, helped me successfully knock a few picture frames off the wall, and caused me to bend over laughing when all 4'11" would come sprinting at me trying to kick the ball and completely miss, now looked so lifeless in the hospital bed. I tried to hold her hand, but that sent the faucets full blast. I had to leave the room and spent the rest of the night crying on my best friend's shoulder in the waiting room. I was weak. It was a time of weakness.
Now, let's fast-forward to today, this Halloween. Once again, I was visiting someone who had my heart in his hands. Last Monday, I walked into Mr. Miller's hospital room, and yet again, the tears came rushing forward. The once bright-eyed 83-year-old man that beat me mercilessly in dominoes every single week, constantly joked about finding out my ring size, and told me that 83 and 19 weren't that far apart, looked so lifeless and tired. But this time was different. I didn't have my family with me. I didn't have my best friend's shoulder, and unlike my grandmother, Mr. Miller was staring back at me watching me. I knew I couldn't cry because that would just upset him even more. As I tried to look away and wipe a mischievous tear, I saw another plaque on the hospital wall (if you read my post about the other hospital visit you know what I am referring to). Once again, this plaque perfectly applied to my current situation:
"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might."- Ephesians 6:10
My heart stopped again. I wanted to cry harder, but of course this was not an option. I wanted to say, "Be strong? God I cannot be strong right now. It's impossible." This wasn't an option either. So with His encouragement again, I stopped the tears and held Mr. Miller's hand and was strong when I thought I couldn't be. Today, on Halloween, I went to see him again, and my sweet friend looked so weak again. Again, I felt the tears coming. Be strong. So I sat on Mr. Miller's bed and did the unthinkable- I acted just like my dad. I took that 83-year-old hand in mine and made him look me in the eyes and repeat "I will get better. I want to get better." I did not let him quit saying it until he said it loudly and confidently. Then the Jamie McKenzie moment came tearing through as I told Mr. Miller he had to growl at me. If you read the post about my dad, you understand the growl thing. So, I sat on nursing home bed holding my friend's hand and smiled as he growled at me. I am sure it looked crazy from the outside view, but I was being strong and forcing Mr. Miller to be strong too. It was a time for strength.
Honesty one more time. I am ready for this emotional Halloween to pass and hope next year's Halloween's only concern is how much candy I will consume. Yet, if it's not, I will be ok because I have a God who is constantly sending me reminders and encouragement (even through hospital decor). I will be ok because when I am weak I have family and shoulders to cry on, and when I am strong, I can help others find their own growl as well. Finally, I will be ok because I have learned there is a time and season for everything, and I will be ok thanks to the In-Between of Two Halloweens.

Slaps on the Wrist, Blessings,and Reason

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven." -Ecc. 3:11

This is the constant echo of my day today, and it has always been one of my favorite Bible verses. It says to me that everything happens for a reason, and the past five days of my life have proclaimed this verse in so many different ways. So this is what the blog is about today. I hope you can find inspiration from it and accept it in your own lives as well.

1) Friday morning, I was in the shower and started feeling dizzy. Yet, I am stubborn as a mule and HAD to wash out the shampoo and conditioner. So I finished washing my hair, and when I stepped out of the shower, my world was literally SPINNING. I reached for the door, but instead, I fell into the door, knocked our shower rack off of the door, sat on the ground, heard my roommate yelling my name, and I assume I tried to stand up. The next thing I know, I am waking up underneath my sink in my bathroom (I obviously hit my head either on the sink, the towel rack, or the good old tile floor on my way down and completely knocked myself out),wondering how I got there, and looking down to realize I am stark naked and fully exposed to anyone who opened the door. It is never a delightful situation to realize you passed out, to not know how long you have been out, and to be laying NAKED for the whole world to see "Shelby's Anatomy." I wearily crawled to the door, and when I opened it, my roommate was staring in confused concern. I immediately burst into tears because I knew where I was going. I was going back to the hospital.

I cried the entire way. I must confess, I wrote all about giving your messy plate of spaghetti to God, but I was not ready to hand over my plate anymore. I could not practice what I was preaching (or blogging). I was not ready to accept the possibility that something might be wrong. I was not ready to say, "Hey, I trust you with everything. Here is my completely broken and terrified plate." I honestly don't think I have ever been so scared in my entire life. As I sat in complete fright and anger and confusion in the ER for the second time in two days, I looked over at the walls, and this is what I saw hanging on the wall,

"My help cometh from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."

It was a huge slap on the wrist. God was yelling out to me in the middle of my storm, "Hey, chill out. Have you forgotten who I AM? I am right there with you. I made Heaven and Earth, and you think I can't handle a clumsy girl knocking herself out on a bathroom floor? I got this."

There is a reason that sign was in that emergency room.


2)

There is a reason I was placed in myKindergarten class fourteen years ago. I think over the years, we fabricated the story into an event that most likely didn't happen, but according to our story, I walked up to a little girl in a sailboat dress and asked her to play with me. She responded by slamming my fingers in the toy box and introduced herself as Maidee-Parker. Ever since, Maidee-Parker has been a dominant figure throughout my life. I've always heard God sends you the people you need in life, and He definitely did this through my sweet Kindergarten friend. I know this picture is goofy, but I felt that it represents our friendship. If we have been friends for fourteen years, of course it is common knowlegde we have had bumpy times, but when you are Maidee Parker's friend, she puts you in her box and does not let you go. She protects you and fights for you when you can't find the strength to do it for yourself. For the past five days, Maidee Parker fought for me when I was scared out of my mind. She comforted me; she made me laugh. She cried with me. She stayed in the ER two different times for over five and a half hours with me. She reassured me. She put me in her box. There is a reason Maidee-Parker was put into my life.

3) There is a reason God made love the strongest emotion, and there is a reason He gave love hand-in-hand with free-will. Love was made into the strongest emotion because it conquers everything. It conquers walls. It conquers burden and baggage. It conquers others' opinions and cast judgments. It conquers trial. It conquers fear. It conquers selfishness. It conquers pride. It conquers the heart. But, there's a but. Isn't there always a but? Love comes and conquers at free-will. One must find love on their own terms and has to enlist in its numerous battles on their own desire. They cannot be drafted into battle. It's a choice. God set up this kind of love when He sent His love to conquer the World. In a sense, He held a boomerang in His hand. We were the boomerang. He threw us out into the world and knew that if we discovered His unfailing love, we would come back to Him. Likewise, when you love, you're throwing a boomerang. You don't know if it will come back, but if you have love, you have to set it free no matter what the consequences are. If love is found along the way, it will come back. That's the free will of love- the course it takes.
So what have I learned from two concussions, a fear that I have never experienced before, a friendship that most would envy, a rough weekend, and a God that calls out to me through it all?

That there is definitely a reason for everything.