So I try to include a Lucy moment in each blog, but I easily think this ranks in top 10 at least. I am actually a little mortified that I am seriously including this in the post, BUT I had no choice. I was basically told I had to share this blog with you (I will get to that later). So yes, unfortunately, that is me in this picture. I am sure if my friends are reading this, especially friends that have never seen this picture, you're laughing at me right now. Jerks. So this was my Sophomore year of high school, and our Homecoming theme that year was movies. My class had Pirates of the Carribean, so obviously our float was a pirate ship- and an amazing, float-winning pirate ship at that. So, one night when we are building the float, someone said we needed someone to be the statue on the front of the ship- like how old pirate ships/ships in general had things carved into the front of the boat. Well, everyone's eyes turned and looked straight at me; I guess they knew I was the retard who would go along with this idiocy. A few days later, my entire body is painted gold, my hair in balls on the side of my head, and I held that pose for a good thirty minutes throughout an entire parade where the entire town could see me. Pretty tragic, I know.
So you might be wondering where in the world I am going with this day of humiliation? Well, let's fast-forward four years. Once again, I am a Sophomore, and once again, I am the statue on the front of the boat (but thankfully only on a figurative level this time.) You see, I am the statue on the front of the boat again because for a while now I have been trying to navigate the ship of my own life. I have been trying to handle every situation on my own, and I have been trying to find all the answers and fight all the battles how I thought I should. Don't get me wrong, I had good intentions and did not waver in my faith, but I was not fully letting go of the wheel. I was scared of the uncertainty of the waves and how the waves might change the direction of my ship. Where did this leave me? It left me not behind the captain's seat but clinging to the front of the ship with all that I had. I was so close to the waves but did not want to let go. I tried to embed myself into the ship and be that statue.
Yet, God does not let you stay in the comfort zone and safehaven of the ship all the time. There are times when He calls out to you from the waves and all of their uncertainties, and He is asking you to trust Him despite the uncertainty. The past few weeks, my ship has not gone in the direction I wanted it to go in, and it was not until this past week that I finally heard a voice calling out from the waves to my heart. It was a voice that was saying, "Are you done yet? I have been here watching you try to navigate alone this whole time, and although the gold paint and ridiculous hair looked awesome a few years ago, why don't you come off the boat for a little while? Join me out here on the water." For the longest time I have said "Nope I am good. I have got everything under control here. I like where my boat is going, and I know this is what I need to be doing. Look at those waves anyways. They're huge. No way I am coming out there. Not happening." Yet. this past week, I finally let go of the front of the boat. I finally let go of my pride. I finally let go of my thinking that I was the perfect navigator. I finally started to say, "Ok, I am surrounded by the uncertainty of these waves, and even though I have no idea what you have in store for me, I am still going to let go of the boat and step out on the waves."
Can I tell you that I had an instant feeling of peace like I had never experienced before- or at least in a while, and that was with only one "boat" in my life! Although I have no idea what direction the waves will take me, I know that there's a God who teaches me how to walk on top of the waves and who leads the way. He provides peace in the midst of uncertainty and promises hope despite the uncertainty.
Now, you might be wondering why I said earlier that I was basically told to use such an embarrassing picture in my post or why in the world I am comparing myself to a statue on the front of a boat and so excited about stepping out into the "waves" of life? I had thought of writing this post a few days ago when I was so excited about my new peace. Yet, over the past few days, the peace had begun to wear away and the uncertainty began to set it, and I was not as enthusiastic. However, today I was listening to the radio in my car, and I switched the station to K-love. I did not know the song that was playing, so I went to change it to another station when a voice in my head told me to wait. So I let the song play through, and then the next song started. Do you want to know what the FIRST lines of that song were?
"Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves.To step out of my comfort zone, to the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and He's holding out His hand."
My heart froze. I had thought of this post a few days before, and now I was pretty much receiving the confirmation that I had to share this. More than that, I was receiving the confirmation that God knew I was scared of the "realm of the unknown." He knew that I had been seeing it as "letting go of the front of my boat." He knew that I was still nervous as I tried to learn how to "walk on the waves." Yet, he sent me a message today saying that peace was real. He sent me a message saying that He had a plan for the realm of the unknown. He sent me a message saying that He was holding out his hand. He sent me a message saying you let go. Now just step out. So that is exactly what I am doing.